Paper Pregnancy- What????

I have had four children and I very well know the roller coaster of emotions that come with the changing hormones during pregnancy. But friends, let me just say this; the emotions I experienced during pregnancy have nothing on the ones I have experienced thus far since I found Brock and started the adoption process. They call this “paper pregnancy” and it is no joke!

At first, my heart was broken because though I had a very strong feeling that he belonged with our family; my husband had already given a very definite “no” when I had mentioned the possibility of adopting a child with Down syndrome months before.  Then of course I was overjoyed when I told him about wanting to adopt Brock and he agreed!

But through this time, I have been so worried about Brock, because he is in a region that does not update pictures of their children, nor do they release health information until I am officially registered (which requires PILES of paperwork and processes and lots of $$$) in his country. That I am working on steadily. We should have our home study visit within three weeks, and then start compiling our registration paperwork! But for now, I just pray that he is safe, fed, warm, loved and happy, and in an orphanage where he is treated well, which I have no idea.  This is a leap of faith that God has asked us to commit to, and we have faith that however Brock comes to us, we will be able to handle it. At this time, we know he is a baby calm in nature and has Down syndrome, and of course is an absolute cutie!

I have also cried because I long to have him home so I can love him and care for him and give him the life that he and all children deserve. I sometimes fear that he may not be in a place with good caregivers, and knowing that your son may be in a bad place is hard to deal with.  It is frustrating that it is going to take so long to get him home, and that so much money, bureaucracy, documentation, paperwork, and red tape to cut through stands in between us and our boy.

On the other side though, I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father has given me the heart for this, and the heart to care for the plight of the orphan. He has commanded that we all care for the orphan and the widow, in some way, and He has made it very clear what my part is in His masterful plan. I am so excited to be bringing a son into our houseful of daughters, and I am overjoyed and so very humbled by the support I have received so far from my wonderful husband and daughters, extended family, friends, even total strangers, one of which I now call a friend!

Then there are the connections I have made with fellow adoptive mothers. These women are wonderful, supportive and strong and they fully understand everything about the emotional toll this process takes on you.  They have faith like no one’s business and they have inspired me to deepen mine.  It is a great joy to share in their journeys, and pray for them, donate to their funds when I can, and celebrate when someone gets a step closer to their child.

So I am definitely feeling one child short on Mother’s Day.  I just pray that this will be the last one spent without my son!  Michael put his name on the card (along with our dog, Kaida) that came with my flowers, and that meant so much to me, and of course, tear up, as emotional as I have been. Thank you for putting up with me honey!



My sweet card that came with my pretty flowers!

So through all of this emotion, both good and bad, happy, sad, heartbreaking, overjoyed, and frustrating, there will come a little boy with a chance at life in a family that already loves him so much!  His life is without a doubt worth every ounce of emotion, energy, and money this process is going to take!  I simply ask for your prayers, and your support, in whatever way you feel led to do so. Happy Mothers' Day!!! 

 James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.